Hi guys, after two or so months of radio silence I am now back to updating this. Not least because yesterday was my three year anniversary… That’s right, three years since I was diagnosed.
It’s pretty odd to think of what has happened in that time. Just before I got diagnosed we achieved our goal of going to all the continents. Then I self published a book, we moved to witham, had Grace, and really now have no time for anything else.
Having a child has changed my perspective on things, as has being on watch and wait for three years. In terms of the cancer, it’s become less visceral, less raw. I have come to accept that I have it, and only feel sad if i dwell on it. My checks go by, with a raised white cell count each time, but without treatment.
I have occasional spikes, like after a recent stag do I had some pains in my stomach, which turned out to be using muscles I often didn’t at an aqua park (luckily I guessed this) but that has dissipated.
I was also turned down for life insurance recently. I wasn’t sure what I expected, some massive amount of money per month, opposed to an outright refusal, but I guess I’m too high risk, something people have been saying for years. Still it does hit home a little bit in cases like that.
Conversely having a baby has made some aspects of having cancer more real. Jo and I have had more than one discussion which became maudlin, when we talked about what she would do when she was grown up, or how I would torment her first partners (of either gender). In times like that I do feel sad, worrying that I will die before she can remember me, or I won’t be there to guide her. She is only eleven weeks but I have thoroughly enjoyed that time and want to have more, to watch her grow and develop.you take a responsibility on yourself by having children, and I have more than one friend on facebook who celebrates a deceased parent every year. It looks tough, and I don’t want that for my daughter.
That’s when I can take solace in the fact it’s been three years with no treatment. I’m hoping I have another ten or fifteen before I even have to have chemo for the first time. Also, unless it grows or becomes an issue, I still have my spleen, when three years ago we had a debate as to whether it should be taken out.
All in all I’m pretty positive about things. Live for the now, enjoy spending time with my family and doing what I enjoy. If you take these things year by year, opposed to in blocks, it makes life a little less maudlin and a good deal more palatable.
So anyway that’s my three year anniversary. As they judge everything in five and ten year blocks (with a left and right arm bias, thanks Aaron) if i can get two more without treatment that will be a good start, and let’s see where we go from there 🙂