Sorry it’s been a while since I posted. Sometimes it’s difficult to get the energy up to do it, especially when you are a bit run down.

Anyway it has not been a fantastic month. I may have mocked my ulcers too early before they really got embedded. Turns out they get much worse. I didn’t talk for a week. This might have been positive for Jo, but me, not so much. I also topped a temperature of 39.8 one four am and so went to a and e again (they should totally do a coupon card. Six trips and the seventh you don’t have to queue, or similar).

They took my bloods, said I was ill, gave me some antibiotics and send me home. It was a combination of this cough I’ve had on and off for months and then the ulcers when I coughed causing me agony. Not fun.

But anyway, time cures some ills and my ulcers went just leaving me with this cough. I ran out the course of antibiotics with no luck and they gave me a different brand. That also didn’t do much. Some days I cough so much I throw up (three times today). It’s also meant I’ve pulled a muscle in my left side.

Today was a great example. Spoke to a prospect. And did a one on one. Both good meetings. Ended the pitch and just got to the toilet coughing to throw up my hot cross bun. (Maybe it’s my punishment for eating them after Easter, note it was in date… :)).

Anyway I’m out of antibiotics now. I did a second sputum sample and they said it showed no infection. They also did bloods and the infection markers weren’t too raised.

So when we chatted today the gp said with no evidence of infection and no response to antibiotics it was likely I had a small chest plug and was trying to cough it up. He said I should get another chest x-ray and also get a chest specialist to look at it. He said he could refer me but he wouldn’t know when it would happen so better to go private and pay about 250 pounds to get it done. (heavy side note. The waiting times have gotten so bad our gps are now recommending we go private and are even quoting fees). I said I’d nudge my nurse specialist tomorrow and see if I could use doctor Hodson to get me ahead.

I’m still coughing like a beast and now have no antibiotics to push it. I have been using steam baths with olbas oil. Cough medicine and paracetamol to manage the temperatures. I’ve been getting night sweats too, which is always pleasant.

So been a bit of a crappy month or two. It’s been hard too because unlike the chemo, which had a very definite time frame, this is open ended and frankly I’m getting a bit tired of not being better. I had signed off last year in my head, but expected this year to be better, or at least by April. Instead it’s just rolling unpleasantness and it’s getting very tiresome. The tiredness that comes with it makes me feel like a bad dad, who had to lean on Jo more than he should. It also means im not always 100% at work, and as MD it’s very important to me to do a good job. Really it interferes in all spheres of life and it’s getting me down.

It’s also hard on the kids. Grace (6 now). Saw me cough till I vomited and said could she do it instead of me. I said not. She said could mum do it instead. Also not. She then said I’d just like someone else to do it so you don’t die. Wasn’t really sure what to say about that. Other than the obvious I’m not going to die. She then misbehaved at school the next day, something she hasn’t done for months, since I was sick last time. It’s so hard on the kids when they are old enough to understand (Avery is still not luckily).

Anyway that’s where I am. A dollop of honesty and a continuation of not well yet. Hopefully I kick whatever this perpetual cough is after the x-ray and assessment, or hopefully it just goes away on its own. I have had a few chest x rays in the last two months but nothing was remarked on, so this could be a bust too.

I hope you are at least enjoying the weather and a good spring. Seeing people I care about having a nice time is positive. Long may it continue. And if my chest issues would shift that would be wonderful too.